First Month's Letter (sort of)

Tiny, precious, just-over-seven-pounds bundle of cute:

You turned six weeks old yesterday. Mama is a little behind on writing your first month's letter!

Oh, Caia. Having you home, here with us finally, has been such a whirlwind. I feel so blessed to have been chosen to be your mother, and terrified at the same time. I'm always kicking myself for doing this wrong, or that wrong, or "is it supposed to be this way?" or "does she want this or that?". I know that the basis of all you want is just food, sleep, clean diapers, warmth, and cuddling in Mommy or Daddy's arms, but I'm always looking for ways to stimulate your mind and help develop your muscles, and I don't want to put too much pressure on Daddy and I, or to take away from any time you just want to spend cuddling or napping in your Moses basket.

You are still this tiny, fragile little being of course, but you are developing rapidly. I noticed today that when I sit you upright to burp you on my lap, you can hold your head straight unassisted for at least several seconds, and look around. Daddy says you've been able to to do this for a couple of weeks, but I don't quite believe him. =) You can hold your head up when you are on your stomach for several seconds, too, and you are still practicing rolling over from your stomach to your back. I haven't seen you roll since we videotaped it five weeks ago, but Daddy says you've done it a few more times since. You continue to amaze us every day.

Your little personality is coming out in cute ways. You are not a fan of having hats on your head, and like to kick off socks very rapidly. When you fall asleep, if I leave your arms unswaddled, you will take your fists and hold them up by your face on each side, particularly your right side. This makes me smile every time because this was the position you were in when we got our 3-D ultrasound image of you - right hand in a fist by your cheek, and other arm under your chin in an L shape to the right arm. You make me laugh every day.

You haven't started to "social smile" yet, as some other babies do at your age, but your pediatrician says to wait that milestone out along with others, because your development will typically be a month behind to catch up with your gestational age. After all, you were due just sixteen days ago! Daddy and I can't wait until you smile at us - you are such a silly girl.

You started nursing from me last week, which amazed me to no end. We didn't continue it at every feeding thereafter, because my supply has been low. But now we have to stop breastfeeding/pumping altogether - I have a medical issue with my eyes who's medicine requires me to stop breastfeeding you. I am not happy about this at all, and feel terribly guilty, but I am trying to remind myself that we got six good weeks of antibodies and nutritional value, and that you will be just as healthy on straight formula from here on out. I have stopped pumping, and boy oh boy is it achy, but it's for the best. I will be treated here shortly and hopefully all will be well.

My baby daughter - I still sometimes can't believe that you are mine. I nuzzle my nose into your neck and inhale your sweet scent, and just close my eyes in wonder that you are half of me. You look more like me every day, after a strong resemblance to Daddy at birth. I wonder whose eye color you will have...?

We are packing up and taking a trip to TN in a week to go see Nana, Poppy, Aunt Cassi, and Uncle Josh, and Daddy and I are so excited! It will be a very long drive with you, but we are looking forward to it. We will get to spend four days with our family, passing you around for kisses and taking way too many pictures. I hope you have a blast, baby girl. We all love you so much.

Right now you are sleeping, and so I am going to take further advantage of this quiet time and maybe get a few minutes of a movie in. Sweet dreams, baby. I love you.

Mama