She is my entire world. We spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week together, and thus are very attached to each other. But she is so fussy and so incredibly difficult of a child that it's still hard for me to bond with her to the capacity that I feel I "should". Between GERD, the torticollis, and "colic", she is extremely temperamental sometimes. I feel like I am missing something vital here, and I am so lonely. New motherhood is isolating enough, but when you combine that with a difficult child, I can't even see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.
Now don't take this to mean that I haven't bonded with her *at all*, because I have, certainly. All she has to do is smile, with her tongue sticking out and her little nose wrinkled, and I can't help but laugh. She giggles, and my heart melts into a sticky puddle on the floor. But it should be so much *easier* than it is, according to our family and select friends that have actually gotten to spend much time around her. My mother in law in particular is bewildered. All three of her kids were pretty much perfect, according to her, and even she says that Caia is putting in her order to be an only child. Even my husband is starting to talk about stopping here, and that is devastating to me. I don't want her to be an only child, at all. I want two or three kids. I've always wanted a big family, partly to compensate for my lack of one, and even more kids would be great. But after having her, how do we get past this and even think of adding another?
Playing with her naptime pals...
